No Reunion

No online presence
no facebook profile
no run-ins downtown
no seeing him around

years go by

no newsletter updates
no word from acquaintances
no time to reach out
no time to get in touch

years go by

no confirmation from his office
no coworkers on the other end
no word from the police
no update on the missing report
no comments

years go by

no body found
but his bag by the bridge
on the other side of the world
he was seen on the edge
no obituary or death notice
no grave site
no headstone for his name

and years go by

----

There is something dedicated to him
birthdate and deathdate noted
his legacy is this documentary
you can't fail when you're dead

If he would have driven just a little longer
past the bridge and the bay
up the mountain to the vista
could he have breathed in for a moment
to let it go
and not take it so much further?

----

Years go by

----

All my memories
are no reunion

----

I heard the news
you've been gone a long time
I heard the news
and cried out to the sky
godless I am
and still I wonder --
Why am I here?
What is my reason?
What is my purpose?
If I am not as I thought I would be
and if I don't see the light all the time
What am I doing?
Why him?  Why me?

-----

I grow older and only know
there is no answer
there are only questions
and it feels like hell
all these goddamned lessons

What am I to learn from this?
Was he so valiant
yet had his back against the wall?
If we are brave and forthright
is the lesson still to know how to fall?

I'm uncertain how much longer this anger will course through me
I feel weak in the knees and still desperate to know
under a beautiful sky
all the heavens still quiet
the stars,
the trees, the air, the stream, and all other living things
they keep their secrets
they know they are a part of he and me
but still do not answer my hollow whispers,
my tearful pleas:

Why him?
Why me?

***